SEXUAL HEALTH

Sometimes you've got to feel sorry for men. They're always being chided for their inability to get to terms with the female anatomy (just how hard can it be to find a clitoris, after all?), on the assumption that for them sexual satisfaction is always guaranteed. But for some, the problem lies in the orgasm itself.Broadly speaking, premature ejaculation (PE) affects any man who climaxes too quickly to the detriment of his – and his partners' – sexual satisfaction. With over 10 percent of UK men admitting to suffering PE 'sometimes' or 'often', it's a problem many men (and their long-suffering partners!) would like to be able to resolve.

First things first

There is some evidence for PE being caused by physical factors. Medical conditions such as diabetes or hypertension, certain prescribed medications, excessive alcohol consumption and even smoking have been pinpointed as potential triggers. Generally, however, it's agreed that for most sufferers the problem is psychological. Stress, guilt, nervousness caused by sexual inexperience or simple overexcitement at being with a new partner can all affect sexual performance.

It's important that your partner is honest. Find out whether – and how often – this has happened before. Encourage him to visit a doctor to find a cure.

Getting back on track

PE, like any sexual problem, is highly emotionally charged. When something goes wrong 'down there', it's all too easy for both of you to feel your confidence and self-belief shatter, leading to a nasty cycle that's hard to break.

It's worth noting that it's perfectly normal for men to orgasm two to three minutes after vaginal penetration. While that might not exactly sound like a great night out for either of you, bear in mind that this isn't getting into problem territory PE-wise unless he – or you – lets it. In such cases, simple distraction techniques, (working out the best route to get from Bromley by Bow to High Barnet by Tube, say, or a well-timed pinch to his arm) can work wonders in delaying the inevitable.

The stop and start method, which, as the name suggests, involves ceasing sexual activity when he feels close to coming and only resuming it when he's calmed down, can be effective. But the most tried and tested technique is the Masters-Johnson method. For best results it really needs to be demonstrated by a trained sexual therapist (try Relate), but in brief, a partner squeezes the shaft of the penis just above and below its head when he's close to orgasm, effectively 'retraining' his impulse to come.

Other helpful 'cures' include some antidepressants and devices such as a specially designed rubber ring intended to desensitise the penis. But don't try these without professional approval – self-medication and homemade devices are potentially dangerous and could make things worse.

Where that leaves you

As the partner of a PE sufferer, there are times when you're going to feel at least partly to blame. Don't – chances are this was an issue long before your paths crossed. Offer him all the support you can, but remember you need some too. Search the internet or ask your doctor for information about support groups if you don't want to – or can't – share your problem with friends.

Helping a partner with a sexual problem is never easy, particularly at the beginning of a fledgling relationship when it can all seem like too much too soon. But look at it this way: the emotional and physical intimacy you develop by dealing with this together will reap rewards for your entire relationship – not just your sex life – in the end.