Help! I Have Never Enjoyed Sex With My Husband


Hello everyone, We have a brand new column on our website which seeks to demystify the issue of sex being a taboo subject among us Nigerian and Africans.

This column will feature regular sex tips and sex advice for women from our resident expert, Iheoma Obibi of Intimate Pleasures.

Dear tw Magazine: I’ve been married for nearly two years and I can honestly say that I have never enjoyed sex with my husband. I can’t feel anything when we’re having sex. We’ve talked about it and we’ve tried different positions but nothing has worked. It’s gotten so bad that I don’t ever want to have sex with him and when we do he can tell I’m not into it which makes him resent me. What can I do? I don’t want to lose my marriage over this. — Amaka, 30.


Dear Amaka: I am sorry to learn that you are not engaging emotionally with your husband in order to enjoy sex, which, is seriously, one of the perks of being in a loving and stable relationship. It seems, you are detached because you may not be communicating clearly your likes and dislikes in a way in which he understands. How have you attempted to discuss sex with him? It just could be that he genuinely does not know exactly what to do, to get it right with your body. Remember, it is your body and you need to show him by acknowledging positively when he does it right, that he is touching you in the right way. It could be that he has not discovered your erogenous zones, do you know what turns you on? What stimulates you? Have you SHOWN your husband what stimulates you?

Remember you are in a committed loving relationship and will be there for a while. Having open and effective communication with your husband eliminates half of the sexual problems. You should not create the opportunity for your husband to resent you because of your inability to SHOW him what you want rather than TELL him. Sometimes, when we talk to men and tell them what we want they think we are criticizing them. This could be one of those issues in which you are going to have to lay in bed and using your hands point him in the right direction for him to follow. 

– Iheoma Obibi


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